How to Win the Game of Frustration

Let me share with you a fact; in the Positive Kickoff columns, I received the maximum response for the last week’s article. Most of it because of the curiosity; to know what techniques I told the gentleman who won the battle of frustration against his boss. I think whenever the topic is about boss and how to manage your boss, we are all very keen!

When you felt like frustrated by your boss the question you need to ask is, “Am I getting frustrated or is my boss making me frustrated?” Though both may look the same, these are two different situations, because the person who is in action, is different. Or rather, you can take these two incidents as two separate events. One is where you are getting frustrated and your boss is only a reason for that. In this situation you are in control, as it is you who is getting frustrated. The second scenario is where your boss is frustrating you. Here you are not in control. But my question is, can anyone control you and your emotions without your permission. Never! That means the problem is not the boss making you frustrated, but it is, you are getting frustrated.

Now the solution is simple, isn’t it? Don’t get frustrated! Easily said than done. Look at frustration as a game like chess; Game of Frustration! You are playing this game with your boss. Rule of the game is simple; the one who makes the other person frustrated wins the game. I am sure none of us will ever play a game to lose. That means your boss’s objective is to get you frustrated and your goal is to make him frustrated or at least not getting frustrated by him. Will you play to win or lose? To win, right? How will you win? By not getting frustrated.

You cannot give something to others if you don’t possess it, right? The same way, if your are getting lot of frustration from your boss, that shows that he has got lot of it with him. He must be having a horrible frustrating life. That is why he could transfer to you all that so easily. Just have sympathy towards him. When he is angry with you and shouts at you, look at his face, look into his eyes with sympathy. You can see his face turning red and the eyes popping out. As his anger grows, you can see his body shivering, and you may even think for a while whether his face will burst like an atom bomb. You may think that he may collapse because of his hypertension and may be that he may get a paralytic stroke. Just sympathize and pray to God to save him.

Remember, you are not ridiculing your boss or making fun of him. You are just sympathizing him in your mind. And your objective is not to get yourself frustrated. Telling you very frankly, this is a tested program and it works. Remember the thumb rule, “Nobody can make you frustrated without your permission.” Whenever you are saying that she made me frustrated, you are stating, “I am such an idiot, who doesn’t have any control even on himself.” Hence never say that, “he is frustrating me,” instead the maximum you could say is,” I am getting frustrated.” In the second statement, you are accepting the responsibility. You can only make corrections in yourself, not in others. And these corrections are possible only if you realize that you are responsible for your life.

This week, play the game of frustration to win; whenever someone challenges you in the game.

Your Boss Cannot Frustrate You

A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person's behavior.

It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.

The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."

Once a gentleman came to me and shared a major challenge he is facing in his life. He was going through an absolute turmoil in life, because of his boss. He said that his boss used to belittle him and insult him in front of others. His boss used to make him feel inferior by making statements like “you are an absolute waste, you have no idea about the job, there is no point in having an MBA,” so on and so forth. “Every day was horrible. Every morning, especially Monday mornings, I woke up to the worst day. It looked as if every thing in this world is working against me,” he said. All the frustrations at the work place were profusely getting transferred to his subordinates and to his family.

After listening to him, I asked, “is your boss making you frustrated or are you getting frustrated?” He was a bit confused. He asked “what is the difference; which ever way I am getting frustrated.” So now the issue is no more his boss or boss’s behavior; but the issue is our friend is getting frustrated. In short it is not his boss’s bad behavior; but it is his response to the bad attitude shown by his boss. It is always easier to make changes within you rather than making changes in others. Hence I asked him to stay cool and take charge of his responses. “Next time when your boss is trying to frustrate to you, you tell yourself that, I am not going to get frustrated.”

I suggested some practical steps for that, which I will discuss next week. However, after that day, his boss could never make him frustrated.

This week, practice to have control on your responses. Have a wonderful week ahead