Thursday, August 7, 2008

How to Win the Game of Frustration


Let me share with you a fact; in the Positive Kickoff columns, I received the maximum response for the last week’s article. Most of it because of the curiosity; to know what techniques I told the gentleman who won the battle of frustration against his boss. I think whenever the topic is about boss and how to manage your boss, we are all very keen!

When you felt like frustrated by your boss the question you need to ask is, “Am I getting frustrated or is my boss making me frustrated?” Though both may look the same, these are two different situations, because the person who is in action, is different. Or rather, you can take these two incidents as two separate events. One is where you are getting frustrated and your boss is only a reason for that. In this situation you are in control, as it is you who is getting frustrated. The second scenario is where your boss is frustrating you. Here you are not in control. But my question is, can anyone control you and your emotions without your permission. Never! That means the problem is not the boss making you frustrated, but it is, you are getting frustrated.

Now the solution is simple, isn’t it? Don’t get frustrated! Easily said than done. Look at frustration as a game like chess; Game of Frustration! You are playing this game with your boss. Rule of the game is simple; the one who makes the other person frustrated wins the game. I am sure none of us will ever play a game to lose. That means your boss’s objective is to get you frustrated and your goal is to make him frustrated or at least not getting frustrated by him. Will you play to win or lose? To win, right? How will you win? By not getting frustrated.

You cannot give something to others if you don’t possess it, right? The same way, if your are getting lot of frustration from your boss, that shows that he has got lot of it with him. He must be having a horrible frustrating life. That is why he could transfer to you all that so easily. Just have sympathy towards him. When he is angry with you and shouts at you, look at his face, look into his eyes with sympathy. You can see his face turning red and the eyes popping out. As his anger grows, you can see his body shivering, and you may even think for a while whether his face will burst like an atom bomb. You may think that he may collapse because of his hypertension and may be that he may get a paralytic stroke. Just sympathize and pray to God to save him.

Remember, you are not ridiculing your boss or making fun of him. You are just sympathizing him in your mind. And your objective is not to get yourself frustrated. Telling you very frankly, this is a tested program and it works. Remember the thumb rule, “Nobody can make you frustrated without your permission.” Whenever you are saying that she made me frustrated, you are stating, “I am such an idiot, who doesn’t have any control even on himself.” Hence never say that, “he is frustrating me,” instead the maximum you could say is,” I am getting frustrated.” In the second statement, you are accepting the responsibility. You can only make corrections in yourself, not in others. And these corrections are possible only if you realize that you are responsible for your life.

This week, play the game of frustration to win; whenever someone challenges you in the game.

Your Boss Cannot Frustrate You

A tale is told about the Buddha, Gautama (563-483BC), the Indian prince and spiritual leader whose teachings founded Buddhism. This short story illustrates that every one of us has the choice whether or not to take personal offence from another person's behavior.

It is said that on an occasion when the Buddha was teaching a group of people, he found himself on the receiving end of a fierce outburst of abuse from a bystander, who was for some reason very angry.

The Buddha listened patiently while the stranger vented his rage, and then the Buddha said to the group and to the stranger, "If someone gives a gift to another person, who then chooses to decline it, tell me, who would then own the gift? The giver or the person who refuses to accept the gift?"

"The giver," said the group after a little thought. "Any fool can see that," added the angry stranger.

"Then it follows, does it not," said the Buddha, "Whenever a person tries to abuse us, or to unload their anger on us, we can each choose to decline or to accept the abuse; whether to make it ours or not. By our personal response to the abuse from another, we can choose who owns and keeps the bad feelings."

Once a gentleman came to me and shared a major challenge he is facing in his life. He was going through an absolute turmoil in life, because of his boss. He said that his boss used to belittle him and insult him in front of others. His boss used to make him feel inferior by making statements like “you are an absolute waste, you have no idea about the job, there is no point in having an MBA,” so on and so forth. “Every day was horrible. Every morning, especially Monday mornings, I woke up to the worst day. It looked as if every thing in this world is working against me,” he said. All the frustrations at the work place were profusely getting transferred to his subordinates and to his family.

After listening to him, I asked, “is your boss making you frustrated or are you getting frustrated?” He was a bit confused. He asked “what is the difference; which ever way I am getting frustrated.” So now the issue is no more his boss or boss’s behavior; but the issue is our friend is getting frustrated. In short it is not his boss’s bad behavior; but it is his response to the bad attitude shown by his boss. It is always easier to make changes within you rather than making changes in others. Hence I asked him to stay cool and take charge of his responses. “Next time when your boss is trying to frustrate to you, you tell yourself that, I am not going to get frustrated.”

I suggested some practical steps for that, which I will discuss next week. However, after that day, his boss could never make him frustrated.

This week, practice to have control on your responses. Have a wonderful week ahead

Monday, July 14, 2008

Nobody Can Frustrate Me…

How can we have control on our responses while we are receiving impulses from outside world every moment? Imagine you are in a traffic block, what kind of frustration you must be going through during those moments? As a result you reached the office late and your boss became totally upset with you. Which way you are going to respond? When you reached back home late after a tiring a day, your wife showed her anger for reaching late. What is going to be your response here? In short every moment you are getting tested by one impulse or the other. That is where it says, you should be more internally driven than externally driven.

Here is a story. Once, a lady was doing shopping in a mall. She was accompanied by her 6 year old daughter. The child was very naughty. While they were walking through the corridors, the girl was grabbing things from the shops and disturbing the people around and was creating such intolerable nuisance. The lady was managing her somehow or other. When ever the girl does some nasty thing, the lady would say ‘Christy, cool down.” As they were going around the shops this lady was repeatedly saying ‘Christy, cool down.’ One gentleman was observing all these and he got amazed about the lady. He was thinking, “How cool this lady is. Even after the girl doing all the mischievous things the lady is only telling her to cool down. Had it been my wife, she should have finished that girl and torn her into two pieces.” He couldn’t stop himself from appreciating that lady for her patience. He said, “Madam, you are unbelievable. I truly appreciate your patience and tolerance. I will bring my wife to you one day, you need to teach her how to be so patient,” then he asked “By the way how old is Christy?” “35 years” the lady said. The gentleman got amazed, “what are you saying? this child is 35 years old. What is the problem with you?” The lady laughed and said, “Christy is my name and I am 35 year old.” For a moment the gentleman couldn’t understand what she was telling, then he realized that what he saw there was an Internally Driven person.

It may not be easy to practice this. However in this fast paced world, where stress is built into everything, you are going to have so many situations, which test your patience and your character. If you start getting driven by all these external factors, you will have nothing but stress in your life. You think that situations and people are frustrating you. But it is the other way around. You are getting frustrated by the situations and people. In fact the decision is yours; to get frustrated or not. Yes, of course the people and situations may be trying to frustrate you, but it is you who is getting frustrated. By getting frustrated, are you gaining anything? Only stress and tension! Do you want those? No. Then decide not to get frustrated. It may look simple on paper and tough to practice. Yes, I agree. Let it be tough, but still you can practice. Remember, Practice may not make things perfect; but Practice makes things permanent.

At least try to practice for this week and let me know the difference. Have a wonderful week ahead

Saturday, July 5, 2008

I AM NOT A SLAVE TO THE IMPULSES

In our everyday life, we go through continuous impulse-response mechanism. Every moment we get some impulses from outside and we respond to those impulses; some times voluntarily some times involuntarily. These impulses could be anything. It could be verbal or non-verbal. Your brain responds to the smell you receive in your nostrils, the taste you get on your tongue and also to the verbal and physical impulses you receive every moment. Unfortunately most of us don’t have any control on the responses. We are like puppets; where we respond to each and every impulse we receive. For some people the response is so fast that they even think the response has come without their knowledge. They call themselves as ‘short-tempered’ and they believe that it is a character which cannot be changed. There are some other people who take pride in having this quality (or bad quality), whereby they say, “whatever comes in my mind I say it. I am not bothered in which way the other person is going to take it. I am a Straight forward person.” There are so many people around you who are in this state. They take pride in being ‘straight forward’. In fact to a greater extent this ‘straight forwardness’ has become an excuse for their uncontrollable responses. When you come across such a person ask him, “I appreciate your straight forwardness, but tell me how many friends you have? How are your relationships in the family?” The response would be, “I don’t have any friends. In fact I don’t care about family relationships; all these are drama. I don’t know how to act like an artist. I am very natural. Whatever comes in mind, I will speak out.” Though he is making all these bold statements, just imagine what kind of a horrible life he must be leading. But even for the horrible life he is having, he has justifications.

Once I spoke about this subject in one of my seminars and immediately one gentleman stood up. He was quite angry and upset. He shouted, “What do you mean. Are you telling that we should not be straight forward? That is stupidity. I cannot accept your statement. I have served the Indian Army I capacity of Captain for more than a decade. One of the qualities I always boast off about myself is straight forwardness.” I said, “I am not against straight forwardness. Most of the people take straight forwardness as an excuse to cover up their incapability to control their responses to the impulses they receive. You can be and should be straight forward, but in the process you have no right to hurt some one’s emotions.” Hence when you respond to situations and people, make sure that you are not hurting anyone. At the end of the day, what matters is how many people felt good because of you.

Go an extra mile do something to make others feel good. Have a wonderful week ahead

You are not The Product of the Circumstances

‘You are not the product of the circumstances; you are the product of the choices you make now.’ Believe in this statement. Just think about this; we all wake up every morning to the same world. For some of us that day will be a very exciting wonderful day and for some others that is the worst day. How come the same day appeared wonderful for some people and horrible for some others? The day is the same! But the people who looked at the day are different. Hence it is not the day which is creating the environment, it is you who is creating the environment. In fact only you have an influence on the environment. The environment will have influence on you only if you permit that. Hence, if you want to have a happy and peaceful life, stop blaming the environment. Stop finding out what wrong circumstances are the reasons for your problems, instead start finding out what kind of circumstances you want to create.

I don’t know how many of you heard this phrase, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” It is a common statement we all make at various occasions that “he has belittled me,” “he is frustrating me,” “he is making my life miserable,” etc. In fact these are all wrong statements. No body can make you feel inferior without your permission, nobody can frustrate you without your permission, nobody can make your life miserable without your permission. When you feel that someone is frustrating you, in fact you are allowing him to make you frustrated. Just think, if your boss is trying to frustrate you, and you have decided that you are not going to be frustrated; what your boss can do. Hence take the responsibility to create the right environment around you every moment. It is you who is in charge.

In fact you have the best environment right now, if you have decided to succeed in life. India is growing at a breathtaking pace. Every sector in our economy is booming. All economists in the entire world are of the opinion that India is unstoppable at least till 2020. By 2020, as our previous Honorable President Dr Abdul Kalam visualized, India will emerge as the most powerful economy in the world. This cannot be stopped at any cost. So in other words we are going to have the best environment during this time; provided you are ambitious, progressive and have got bigger plans in life. If you don’t qualify for any of these factors these years are going to be the most horrible time for you. Hence it is not the environment, but what you want to make from your life, what you want to do with your life is the most important thing.

You Create Your Environment


Today morning you may hear a knocking at your door. Don’t close your eyes and ears towards it. Because, it could be an opportunity. Opportunities come and knock at your door at least once in your lifetime. For that matter she knocks at everyone’s door, at least once. But only very few understand that this is an opportunity; Out of them very few realize that this is an opportunity for me; Out of these people only very few have got a dream in their life; Out of the people who have got some dreams only very few take action; out of them only very few people have got belief in their dreams and confidence in themselves that they can do it; Out of them very few are focused and consistently persistent. They are the people who make history in the world.

Generally most of the people live with the belief that they never come across any opportunity in life! Though they find some opportunity they think either time is not right or they are not fit to grab the opportunity. They live blaming each and everyone in this world. They believe that luck doesn’t happen to all. They blame their destiny for everything. They sometimes blame the society, their parents for not putting them in the best schools, their superior officers for not providing them the right chances, their family for not providing the right atmosphere at home etc. I have seen people living such a distressful life cursing everyone around them including the Prime Minister and the President of the country. They believe or try to make themselves believe that their entire problems in life are caused by other people and situations.

Why do people think like this? Is it because of the education they received from the school and college? Is it because of the influence of the family in which they have been brought up?

It is being said that you are the product of your habits and your belief systems. Your Habits and your belief systems are the product of your environment. So your environment decides what you are. Now the question is that who decides the environment? Most of the people believe that they have no influence on the environment; as it is being created by others; starting from the servant in your house or the attendant in your office to the President of the country. You have nothing much to do about it! Most of us think that we are HELPLESS as this entire environment is being created by all others in this world except us. That is why we always say that there is no point in talking about or thinking about it because we have no influence on this environment but we always blame the environment as we believe that it has a high influence on us.

However the reality is totally different. Just think about this; we all wake up every morning to the same world. For some of us that day will be a very exciting wonderful day and for some others that is the worst day. How come the same day appeared wonderful for some people and horrible for some others? The day is the same! But the people who looked at the day are different. Hence it is not the day which is creating the environment, it is you who is creating the environment. In fact only you have an influence on the environment. The environment will have influence on you only if you permit that.

I don’t know how many of you heard this phrase, “Nobody can make you feel inferior without your permission.” But it is a common statement made by all of us at various occasions that “he has belittled me,” “he is frustrating me,” “he is making my life miserable,” etc. In fact these are all wrong statements. No body can make you feel inferior without your permission, nobody can frustrate you without your permission, nobody can make your life miserable without your permission. It is you who is in charge.

In fact you have the best environment right now, if you have decided to succeed in life. India is growing at a breathtaking pace. Every sector in our economy is booming. All economists in the entire world are of the opinion that India is unstoppable at least till 2020. By 2020, as our previous Honorable President Dr Abdul Kalam visualized, India will emerge as the most powerful economy in the world. This cannot be stopped at any cost. So in other words we are going to have the best environment during this time; provided you are ambitious, progressive and have got bigger plans in life. If you don’t qualify for any of these factors these years are going to be the most horrible time for you. Hence it is not the environment, but what you want to make from your life, what you want to do with your life is the most important thing.

Take charge of your life today…..and have a very productive week ahead

Do What You Love…Love What You Do


We grow up believing that what counts most in our lives is that which will occur in the future. We are doing everything to make a better future. Parents teach children that if they learn good habits now, they will be better off as adults. Teachers assure the students that the boring classes they attend now will benefit them later, when they are going to be looking for jobs. The General Manger tells the junior employees to work hard and have patience, because one of these days they will be promoted to the executive ranks. However the hope will remain with them even on the previous day to the retirement. “We are always getting to live,” as Ralph Waldo Emerson used to say, “but never living.”

Of course, this emphasis on the postponement of gratification to a certain extent is inevitable. A lot of people believe that it is the hope for tomorrow, is what make them live today. We are more externally driven than internally driven. We are more worried about what others think about us than what we think about ourselves. We always strive so hard to achieve the goals set by our superiors, than the goals set by ourselves in our lives. I have worked with some well known companies in India before I started my own business and then turned to training. When I got into business I found it very tough to be disciplined to achieve the goals, while I used to achieve harder goals while I was in the job. The reason being in my business I don’t have a boss. I don’t have any external pressure. As I ventured into business through Amway, which doesn’t require any big investment, there was absolutely no pressure. I have seen this happening with lot of people. We all perform to our fullest potential when there is an external pressure on us to perform.

There is no question that to survive, and especially to survive in this complex competitive society, it is necessary to work for external goals and to postpone the pleasures of the present moment. “Living in the present moment’ remains as an unachievable dream for most because of this. But a person does not have to be turned into a puppet playing as per the tunes set by others. The solution is to gradually become free of the external rewards and learn how to substitute them with rewards that are under one’s own powers. This is not to say that we should abandon every goal set by others like our superiors in job or seniors in our society, rather, it means that, in addition to the goals set by others, we develop a set of our own goals. Over a period of time our own goals should replace the goals set by others and that is the time we could say we have control on our life.

In a way we have all started accepting that the destination will be wonderful only if the journey is painful. In fact this also give us a hope that all painful journey ends with wonderful results. Hence we go through the pains hoping that one day I will enjoy the life the way I want to enjoy. But unfortunately in most of these cases life is nothing but a continuous pain as once you reach a destination, you have another destination to be reached. Once you achieve a goal you are motivated to set the next bigger goal. Hence there is no end to this pain. Life becomes a frustrating and painful experience and the world becomes an unfriendly place to live in.

However one thing is for sure, we cannot escape from this as we have to make a living to take care of our families and to fulfill our needs. The easiest way to escape from all this is to get detached from all this materialistic accomplishments and escape to Himalayas and go in a totally spiritual way. But can we have a life where we need to strive to achieve goals on a continuous basis and at the same time being happy every moment? In other words can we have a journey to a wonderful dream destination where the journey also is enjoyable? In fact we can have. If the journey itself is enjoyable, there won’t be any frustrations; we will love every moment, we will in fact love the journey and would long for more journey. If the work itself is giving you pleasure, you will work more and long working hours won’t be a problem for you. Mother Theresa said, “When you love what you do and do what you love, then you develop passion in your work.” Anything you do with passion you stand to excel in that field.

Now the question is, how can we make the journey enjoyable, how can we make the work itself very exciting as the result is, how can we make the process more interesting than or at least equally interesting as the result is? Think over it this week and you will find answers. Work with an intention of loving what you do and deriving happiness in the present moment.

Life is Not a Dress Rehearsal




A management consultant, on holiday in a fishing village, watched a little fishing boat docked at the quayside. Noting the quality of the fish, the consultant asked the fisherman how long it had taken to catch them.

"Not very long." answered the fisherman.

"Then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the consultant.

The fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family and that he is happy with what he has.

The consultant asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, have an afternoon's rest under a coconut tree. In the evenings, I go into the community hall to see my friends, have a few beers, play the drums, and sing a few songs..... I have a full and happy life." replied the fisherman.

The consultant ventured, "I have an MBA from Harvard and I can help you...... You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat. With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have a large fleet. Instead of selling your fish to a middleman, you can negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to a city here, from where you can direct your huge enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the fisherman.

"Oh, ten, maybe twenty years." replied the consultant.

"And after that?" asked the fisherman.

"After that? That's when it gets really interesting," answered the consultant, laughing, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling shares in your company and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" pressed the fisherman.

"After that you'll be able to retire, move out to a small village by the sea, sleep in late every day, spend time with your family, go fishing, take afternoon naps under a coconut tree, and spend relaxing evenings having drinks with friends...and have a full and happy life"

“Isn’t that kind of a life I am enjoying now?” wondered the Fisherman

We grow up believing that what counts most in our lives is that which will occur in the future. We are doing everything to make a better future. Parents teach children that if they learn good habits now, they will be better off as adults. Teachers assure the students that the boring classes they attend now will benefit them later, when they are going to be looking for jobs. The General Manger tells the junior employees to work hard and have patience, because one of these days they will be promoted to the executive ranks. However the hope will remain with them even on the previous day to the retirement. “We are always getting to live,” as Ralph Waldo Emerson used to say, “but never living.”

As we know that we have only one life, we need to start living it. Life is not a dress rehearsal. You won’t get a second chance. And hence live every moment in your life, derive happiness and enjoyment in every moment of your life.

Have a fulfilling week ahead.

HAPPINESS RE-DEFINED

While I was doing a workshop for children between the age of 10 and 19, I asked a question to all, “Could you tell me the moments in your life when you experienced real happiness….moments you cherish the most.” One boy said, “my dad works in a city which is almost 300 Kms away from our home. He comes home every Saturday evening and goes back on Monday early morning. On the Saturday evenings he takes all of us out for dinner and ice cream. These are my happiest moments in life.” A 15 year old girl said, “while I was in the 7th standard, we were taken out from the school for an adventure camp. All of us had to do rappelling (climbing down a steep rock). When I saw others doing it, I was literally afraid and was thinking of running away from the camp. My turn was on the next day. I couldn’t sleep in that night. When my turn came I told my instructor that I was sick and I couldn’t do that. But he insisted me to do it and I had no other options. Though I was dead scared I started stepping down the rock, I thought my breath had stopped and my heart had failed. I thought I was going to die. But in a few minutes I was down there on the ground. I couldn’t believe it. I never ever thought that this was that easy. I was so happy and confident, whenever I think of my past these are the most memorable happy moments in my life.”


It seems happiness is not what we think and perceive. It is more than achieving a goal, in fact it is a state of the mind. Hence even if you have no money or positions and possessions you can still experience happiness, just by being in that state. The key question is are you enjoying what you are doing; be it in your job or in sports. The best coaches in the world always inspire the team before they get on for that final match, be it hockey or cricket or football, to play the best game today and to enjoy every moment of the match. The teams which come in the final must be equal in all terms. The difference is going to be ‘the day’. That is why after losing the match the captain says, we did our best, but today was not our day. In fact the day was the same for both the teams, but for the winning team it was a good day and the loser it was a bad day. Hence it is not the day which made the difference. It is the team which makes a day good or bad. The moment the team decides that today is the best day and is going to be our day, and that we are going to enjoy every moment of the match, the whole atmosphere changes. The moment they decide that we are not going to be under stress or strain, we are just going to bring out the best in us today and going to enjoy it fully, you will see a winning team on the ground.

Why not you consider each day as match? Just like you will have to face challenges and hurdles during the game, you will have challenges and short-term failures on your day. Sometimes you may even think that nothing is going in your favor and that you are going to lose out. But still if you have decided that you are going to enjoy the process, enjoy every moment of the day, irrespective of the outcome, you will end up with good feelings. In some matches all odds may go against you. You may get frustrated about the way things are going. Same way on some days you may think nothing is happening the way you wanted. You may wonder why things are going against you. You, as a sales professional, may face only rejections and refusals on that day, as a system administrator you may see more and more machines getting crashed on that day, as an office manager you may see many employees absent without notice on that day… What is going to be your response?

Feel frustrated, irritated and thinking of quitting? Understand that all those things were just part of a process. On the next day you may see a completely different scene. Hence it is dangerous to make judgments based on things happening on a day to day basis. When you had a tough day and when you come back home your children will ask you, “how was the day, mama/ papa”. Never say it was a bad day. Say, “Son, It was a Character Building day.”

Have a wonderful Character building week ahead. God bless

My Search for Happiness…


We all know, whatever our goals are, whether to have the dream house or to drive that dream car or to get married to that beautiful girl or to get that long-awaited promotion in the job, the ultimate purpose is to get happiness. However, if you critically analyze, what we sacrifice most of the time in achieving these goals is happiness!

You ask a little baby who doesn’t have any worries or stress in life, ‘are you happy?’ he may say “no, look at my elder brother who is going to the school…he has uniform, he can travel in a bus, he has friends in the school, he is enjoying more freedom than me. When I start going school I will be happy.” When he started going school, he was asked ‘are you happy now?’. “Not at all, look those smart guys who are in the college…they don’t have any big bags to carry, they can bunk classes, they seems to be enjoying their life…I will be happy when I start going college.’ Now our friend is in the college, must be really happy, but he says, “I will be happy once I get a well paid job, I want to be independent.’ Once he gets the well paid job his happiness seems to be got shifted to a married life…then to have children…then to get the children get well placed…then they to get married…then to get his retirement and the process goes on. Our friend is continuously chasing happiness. Once he reaches a level he finds that the happiness has moved to the next level. The chase continues. Now when our friend is totally retired from job, got his grand children also married, has got enough wealth and has achieved almost everything he wanted to achieve. You ask him, ‘Now that you have achieved everything in your life, you must be happy.” Surprisingly he says, “Not at all, happy days were those childhood days. Look at that little baby…how happy he is. I am sad because I can never become that baby again.”

Don’t get surprised if you find a board outside the cemetery, written on it, “Your Search for Happiness ends here.”

Now the question, is there a way by which we can derive happiness in our life? Probably in this materialistic world it is an unrealistic dream. Because in this fast paced world, which is driven by competition and comparisons, where technology is challenging human capabilities, where it is so challenging to keep pace with the outrageous overflow of information and knowledge, whatever we accomplish becomes nothing in the next moment. The happiness you got by buying the latest model hi-fi mobile didn’t even last for one month, when you found a better model with your friend, the happiness you derived by using your latest model digital camera was brutally buried in a weeks time when your friend showed his cute sleek digital camera with higher resolution bought at a lower price. Hence if you want to find happiness from materialistic things, you are sure to fail. But most of us measure happiness from the things we possess and the positions we hold in life. Hence if your measure for happiness is materialistic possessions and positions you are guaranteed with unhappiness, stress and inferior feelings.

I am not saying that you should not possess materialistic things. You should definitely build your dream house, buy your dream car, send your children to the best school, …. but the moment you believe that your happiness is derived from all these things, happiness fades away from your life. Because happiness is not a destination, it is the journey itself. It is not a goal, it is a state of mind, and you cannot achieve your goals without being in this state of mind. The only moment you are living is this present moment. You can neither live in the past moment, nor in the future. Past is history and future is mystery. The only moment which is in your control is this moment. Hence decide to be happy now…..at this moment. The word ‘present’ means gift! This moment is the gift God has given you. Experience this beautiful gift…the greatest blessing. Have a great happy moment and wonderful week ahead

HAPPYNESS RE-VISITED


“Why is everyone here so happy except me?
“because they have learned to see goodness and beauty everywhere,” said the Master
Why don’t I see goodness and beauty everywhere?
“Because you cannot see outside of you what you fail to see inside”

Taken from Antony de Mello’s ‘One Minute Wisdom’

Twenty three hundred years ago Aristotle concluded that, more than anything else, men and women seek happiness. While happiness itself is sought for its own sake, every other goal – health, beauty, wealth, or power – is valued only because we expect that it will make us happy. All of us want happiness…right? But how many of us are really happy. In fact the business you do or the job in which you put hard work or the profession in which you give your full dedication are all for nothing but happiness. Leave alone these big things, even the cup of tea you sip or the expensive dresses and ornaments you wear or the car you drive are all for deriving happiness. But even after having all these are we really happy! In the last twenty three hundred years almost everything has changed; the brain power of human being, the means of communication and transportation, the lifestyle etc. But nothing is changed on this important issue of seeking happiness. We do not understand what happiness is any better than Aristotle did, and as for learning how to attain that blessed condition, one could argue that we have made no progress at all.

In this column we are trying to explore the ways to derive happiness. Like what we always say ‘Men are born to win, but conditioned to lose,’ we could say ‘we are all born to be happy, but living an unhappy life.’ Some of us today woke up to a wonderful Monday, while some others to another dull boring Monday. Where is the difference? The day is the same. The world is the same. For some one who has got some exciting things to do today or to receive some exciting news or reward today, it is a wonderful day. But for some others who hate to go to that frustrating workplace, it is a dull day. In fact we create our reality….we create the day everyday.

Is Happiness an achievable day to day goal? Yes. First you accept the fact that you are the one who decides whether it is a good day or a bad day…you are the one who decide whether the world is a wonderful place to live in or a frustrating place to live with. You create your reality. Let happiness be your reality.